Prefer to watch instead of read? You can watch the video version of this reflection at the bottom of the page.
For a long time, the letters after someone’s name meant a lot to me.
Degrees. Certifications. Titles. Roles.
Not just professionally, personally.
Somewhere along the way, I attached a sense of worth to those things. They made me feel legitimate. Like I had earned my place in the room.
And to be clear, I still value education, growth, and professional development. I’m grateful for the different experiences I’ve had over the years. This isn’t really about rejecting any of that.
It’s more about noticing what I needed those things to mean about me.
Because if I’m honest, part of me hoped the role would quiet something deeper. The insecurity. The uncertainty. The lingering fear that without something impressive attached to my name, maybe I wouldn’t feel like enough.
Pastor. Professional. Leader. The knowledgeable one. The dependable one. Even in recovery, I eventually found ways to build identity around being insightful, self-aware, or “doing recovery well.”
The roles changed over the years, but the pattern underneath them stayed surprisingly similar.
I don’t think I fully understood how much energy went into maintaining those identities until life started softening them. Some roles ended. Some no longer fit the same way. Some simply became less central to how I live now.
And honestly, that can feel disorienting at first.
Because when you spend enough years defining yourself through achievement, productivity, certainty, or the way other people see you, there comes a moment where you quietly wonder:
Who am I without all of that?
I can feel that old pattern reappear in a very real way right now. I’ve recently stepped into a new role, with a new title, and a new certification. All of that matters. I’m grateful for it. But I also know titles and roles don’t define me. I’ve learned that. The practice now is noticing when the old pull shows up again, and choosing to hold it differently than I would have in the past.
I want to honor the work without turning it into my identity. I want to appreciate the credential without needing it to define my worth.
That is new territory for me.
Because what I’m learning is that there’s a difference between having a role and mistaking the role for who I am.
Roles matter. They shape parts of our lives. They carry responsibility and meaning. But they were never designed to hold the full weight of our identity.
And maybe that’s why so many of us struggle when those roles shift. Retirement. Career changes. Kids growing up. Recovery. Loss. Aging. Spiritual change. The applause gets quieter. The external reinforcement fades a little. And we’re left sitting with ourselves more honestly.
I still feel the old pull sometimes. The desire to accomplish, to impress, to be seen a certain way. That part of me didn’t disappear overnight.
But I notice it more quickly now.
And more often these days, peace seems to show up in much quieter places than I expected. A calm conversation. A walk. A slow morning. Being fully present for an ordinary day instead of trying to prove something through it.
Maybe that’s part of what healing looks like for me now.
Not becoming extraordinary.
Just becoming more comfortable being human.
