Prefer to watch instead of read? The video version of this reflection is available at the bottom of the page.
I’ve been thinking lately about what peace actually looks like, partly because of something that happened while I was leading a group this week. One of the participants told me he hoped someday he could become as calm and peaceful as I seemed to be.
I appreciated that more than he probably knew. It was affirming to hear that something I’ve been practicing internally is becoming visible externally. At the same time, the comment startled me, because I don’t always experience myself that way.
I told him that I was grateful he saw that in me, and that I do think I’ve grown into a more peaceful person. But I also told him what he doesn’t see. He doesn’t see me getting irritated in traffic, or quietly aggravated when the checkout line is moving too slowly, or short with someone I care about. He doesn’t see the conversations I replay in my head afterward, wishing I had handled them differently.
Those moments are less frequent than they used to be, but they still happen. And maybe that is what makes peace feel more complicated than I once imagined. I used to think peace meant reaching some inner place where I simply would not react that way anymore. If I were truly peaceful, nothing would throw me off. Nothing would irritate me. Nothing would pull me out of center.
That is not what my life looks like.
The truth is, I may be the most peaceful I’ve ever been, but my life is not calm and easy all the time. I still get pulled into old patterns. I still react before I realize I’m reacting. I still have moments where my tone, my thoughts, or my assumptions show me that I am very much still practicing.
The difference is that I don’t seem to stay there as long.
More often now, I notice when I’m slipping. Maybe not immediately. Sometimes I’m already in the middle of the reaction before awareness catches up. But when it does, I have a chance to pause, take a breath, and come back to a more centered place.
That may not sound dramatic, but it feels significant to me.
There was a time when a bad moment could turn into a bad day. A frustrating interaction could live in my head for hours. I would replay it, defend myself, judge myself, and then add another layer by telling myself, “You should be past this by now.”
I’m starting to see that differently.
I guess that’s why they call it meditation practice. Not meditation perfection. Practice. You drift. You notice. You come back. Then you drift again, notice again, and come back again.
I think real life works the same way.
Peace does not mean nothing throws me off anymore. It means I’m learning not to turn every difficult moment into a fight with reality.
My life is not challenge-free. I’m just not resisting life the same way I used to.
I wrote more about this idea in Finding Peace in the Pause.
And honestly, that has made a big difference.
If this kind of reflection helps you slow down, I send one like this every Sunday morning. You can join the Circle at awakeningwithdon.com.
Prefer to watch? YouTube version here.
